Tomato: Nature's Kidney

Tomatoes have many commendable traits: a pleasing red color, the flexibility of preparation (it's a sauce! it's a salsa! it's a salad! etc.), that darn Lycopene you keep hearing about, their aptness as projectile... the list goes on. Instead of telling you things you already know, we here at Edible Wrecks wish to broaden your horizons. Our goal is to show you the world of food from a new perspective. To inform you of the extraordinary, near-limitless potential of our most common crops and pre-packaged snacks. The tomato, you see, has a secret. Once the scientific world gets wind of this, we might have a firestorm of R&D on our hands, trying to harness this remarkable, and, until now, unheralded ability. Let's just hope it is used for the power of Good. Lord knows there are hundreds of grown-up pranksters--the little brother who stuck your finger in warm water overnight, the sword-fighting cousins, the Aunt with the lackadaisical bladder--who would use such knowledge for their nefarious schemes. So please, guard this information. Share it wisely. And know that tomatoes are not just a nutritious fruit (vegetable?) rich in antioxidants. They are, it seems, something else entirely......




Like kidneys, a tomato will, over time, collect and distribute a large quantity of urine.


"How do they do this?" you ask. "What sort of remarkable auto-urethra makes this possible in an organism with no known digestive system?" So far, it's a mystery. But the fact remains: A slice of tomato, given time to sit out on a kitchen table, will, as if by some reverse photosynthesis, produce and collect a sizable volume of what looks exactly like piss.

I give credit to my roommate for the discovery, and I thank him for allowing the speciman to remain, untouched, until the phenomenon was properly documented.

Look into the future! And imagine the possibilities...