"That is No Way to..." #1

To the Asian sir on the subway train traveling north yesterday: That is no way to eat a burrito.

The burrito itself looked adequate, above-average even. Good helping of shredded chicken, some black beans, rice with maybe a hint of lime. Nice skein of guacamole. But first was the Bite Size. Whoa, man. The mouth cavity is only so big for a reason. To lunge at a burrito with such ferocity, tearing at it with ripping incisors, goes against all things digestive. I like to eat my food, not destroy it. Now if the burrito had it coming, I understand. But maybe the burrito was just defending its manhood. Maybe the burrito was projecting its own low self-image onto you. Does that give you the right to attack it like that? Does it? Huh?

I've gone off-track.

Here's the point: You can eat a burrito however you wish. That's fine. But what is not fine is eating one while listening to your iPod. Have you ever chewed something with ear buds in? It sounds like you're walking through an underground tunnel with heavy boots on over bubble-wrap. And you're on the train, anyway. Can you really hear your music over the screeching brakes and whooshing noise?

Then he pulls out his flip-phone. With one hand, he's texting back a friend. With the other, he holds the poor foil-wrapped burrito, and collapses his face onto it again.

Listening to your iPod while texting your friend on a subway train taking gigantic bites: That, Asian guy, is no way to eat a burrito.