The Indomitable Oh's

I take no credit for the topic of this post. All royalties and payment should be forwarded onto a Miss __________, lady friend of myself, who spoke of how she ate her cereal yesterday too quickly and was still feeling the effects of the hard, crunchy circles on her mouth.

So here's the problem: Honey Graham Oh's are quite possibly the greatest cereal ever concocted. Each morsel comprises two things--a circular shape, similar to a Cheerio but somehow thicker and heartier, and a filling of granola-y stuff, sweetened with honey, flecked with graham cracker type bits. Imagine the most flavorful Honey Nut Cheerio ever, some mistake off the production line where the nutty and sweet flavor saturated the cereal more than was originally intended, and THEN someone else infiltrated the factory and stuffed each hole with more goodness, crushed up grahams, a glazing of honey, a residue of nuts and oat off the pristine floor of the Nature Valley factory right down the street (hypothetically).

Then multiply that by a thousand. You've got a box of Oh's. But there exists a malfeasance within all this yummy-in-a-bowl. The cereal by itself, you see, is very crispy and crunchy. And hard. Snack on them one, two at a time, and you'll find no cause for alarm. But pour them in a bowl, and spoon a heaping pile into your mouth (which is what you'll do, as you can not resist the aforementioned flavor combination), and the resultant crunching and smacking going on inside your mouth, around your teeth, over your gums, up on the roof of your mouth, may very well cause these gentle insides to sting a bit. The Oh's, delicious as they may be, are a damaging cereal to the soft, giving flesh of the mouth's inner sanctum. Those same oat clusters and honey-laced circles that taste so good wreak havoc with their sharp edges, their pointy hunks of nut or grain. And yet still you chew, and swallow, and scoop again--the cycle repeats; the mouth is sore the next morning. You eat them anyway, 'cause they're so gob-smackin' good.

I offer you this solution. Pre-soak your Oh's. It sounds a bit scandalous, I know: "He told you to pre-soak your oh's? What does that mean, gargle while moaning?" You misinterpret me. Pour those Oh's in the bowl. Then pour your milk on top, ideally until the milk is just visible within the circles of the unfortunate empties. Then go make your coffee. Brush your hair. Work on that stubborn cuff-link on your right sleeve, the one almost impossible to do without help from a second person, enough to make you question the nobility of a profession that necessitates one wearing a sleeve with an impossible fastener. Now go back, and enjoy that bowl of previously dangerous Oh's, now rendered harmless yet still crunchy and delightful.

Other suggestions are welcome. I hope you can find this scrumptious breakfast food in your local Cereal aisle, as they're not available everywhere. Go, seek, find your Oh's. Before they find you.