"Theeeeeey're Bueno!"

Last week I trekked down to Playa del Carmen, just outside of Cancun, for a hometown buddy's wedding. To be sure, much good eats and drinks were consumed. Fresh guacamole topped everything from omelettes to cheese sandwiches. Pork Tacos were made and brought to you pool-side. The Corona flowed like wine. But a highlight of this international gastronomic feast?















So, Tony's south-of-the-border cousin is shilling for Kellogg's too, eh? Take a closer look at his bandanna and you'll see that his name is "Tigre Tono." The sun must have an effect on tiger's physical features, too. Let's compare our renowned American version:

Notice the slight double-chin, the yellowed eyes... the American Tony is apparently chubby and has jaundice. Shame on you Kellogg's of America for furthering the stereotype that U.S. citizens are inactive alcohol-abusers.

Another point of interest is the lack of a shadow on Tigre Tono. Whatsoever does this mean? Is Guillermo del Toro's new book series a hint that Mexicans are not simply stealing Americans' jobs with cheap labor, but another type of blood-suckers altogether??

Oh wait--vampires don't have reflections... right.**


So eat a bowl of Zucaritas today!

**The content on EdibleWrecks has no relationship to the personal or political views of its author.

In Response to a Certain "Lauren"...

So last post I explained ever so carefully how to make your very own Peanut Butter Toast, complete with Nutella and Jam. I hope the Paint picture diagrams helped.

Then some wiseacre out there, with the pseudonymous label "Lauren," had this to say in the comments:

Lauren said...

Ewww! You like PEANUT BUTTER?!?

And so to this "Lauren" I ask: What is that, some kind of sick twisted joke?

Honestly. I don't even understand the words.

Fess up, or risk my Smooth & Creamy wrath.

How To Make Peanut Butter Toast

Step One: Toast your bread. What kind of bread? Good question. NOT Rye. Caraway seeds are tiny little explosions of putridness. Instead, how about a nice 12 Grain? Any Whole Wheat variety is good. For special occasions, I like anything with Oatmeal or Nuts... Today, I use Country Kitchen "Oatnut."

Step One-point-five: Make sure you toast your slice at around Medium-High. Enough to get a nice crisp to things, but nothing too dark. And we're not just warming our bread up here. Toast means it's toasted. Turn that dial up, please.










Step Two: Remove toast from toaster. Don't burn yourself. Patience, geez! Let it sit there for, like, three seconds. No need to be hasty.

Step Three: Begin with a smooth, thin layer of Nutella down the middle, vertically.












Step Three: Smear a good portion of peanut butter over each remaining half, overlapping a tad with the nutella. Now--and this is important--the peanut butter must be natural. No hydrogenated oils, please. Teddy's is a great choice. The Smucker's Natural is actually better than expected. Smooth or Chunky: AYW (as you wish). I'm not entirely without feelings, you know.












Step Four: Fill in the hazelnut-less halves with a smattering of jam. I like blackberry or raspberry (with seeds!). If you're feeling up to it, go for an Apricot. Marmalade is an advanced maneuver... proceed with caution. Only under the most dire of circumstances will I abide by Grape Jelly. Think about the repercussions of your actions for once.












Step Five: Split vertically down the middle, so that each half has a bit of Nutella on each side. Then, dunk in coffee and enjoy. Behold, the finished product!

The salty of the peanuts, the sweetness of the jam, the warmth and creaminess of the Nutella, the subtle crunch of the toasted bread... a more perfect combination of flavor I do not know. Be gentle and kind with this knowledge. Now go, and eat toast.